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Lexie's Journal

Lexie struggles with her weight but is learning how to trust her body again with Am I Hungry?

Do you want fries with that?
Posted on 08/03/2007 @ 2:11 PM

For lunch my co-worker and I went to Dairy Queen. I really wanted a chili cheese dog with onions, relish, ketchup and mustard and fries and dessert. I was hungry. I ordered the chili cheese dog with everything and fries. I knew if I tried to eat all of that I would regret it. I would feel too full and bloated. I also wouldn't be able to enjoy dessert. Not that I couldn't order dessert and eat it, but I wouldn't enjoy it if I was uncomfortable and stuffed. I ate the hot dog and a couple of fries and threw the rest away. Then I got a brownie sundae and ate a few bites and threw the rest away. It wasn't nutritious....but compared to choices I've made in the past, these choices that were better for my body and allowed me to enjoy the food. In the past I have ordered a foot-long hot dog, finished all the fries, AND had dessert. I still ate more than my body needed today but I didn't feel bloated and uncomfortable. Throwing food away is a new thing for me. It's a good step. My mind screams about how I am wasting money. However, if it helps me make healthier choices then it's money well spent. I am lying to myself if I think that eating it would be a good use of my money. Not buying it in the first place might come later but right now I'm focusing on smaller changes instead of trying to do it all at once. Not buying it translates to "rules" and "denying myself" and I am soooo trying to teach myself that it's okay to eat all foods. I read this and think to myself, "That was sooo bad eating all that grease and fat you cannot be happy with these choices - it was wrong!!!!" Well I AM happy with these choices so there!!! PPPFFFFTT! I am learning to be in charge and to let go of judgements. Small changes are still changes. I am traveling in the direction that is going to improve my health. I am making decisions about my food based on honesty instead of denial or forced ignorance or guilt. This is not a destination but a journey and I am moving forward. I do not have to "justify" this even though I feel like I do. Having a vegetable dinner would be a healthy choice tonight...and a cool, crisp salad sounds perfect. Eating a salad tonight won't make me "good". It won't improve the nutritional content of the foods I chose today. It would be giving my body more of what it needs and I can feel good about that too, Do you want to learn to get rid of guilt? We can help!

Michelle May M.D.

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