Lexie struggles with her weight but is learning how to trust her body again with Am I Hungry?
Posted on 03/26/2008 @ 3:35 PM
I'm trying to move away from "diet mentality." These workshops with Gillian...I wish we could do them every day. They energize me.
I've been easier on myself lately. In the back of my mind these little voices say I've been "too easy" on myself. because somewhere along the line I began to believe that the only way to accomplish my goal is to be hard on myself until I get there. Not once has that been actually true. Working hard gets me to my goal but being kind to myself allows me to work harder. Being harder on myself leads to defeat.
I've been resisting stepping on the scale. I still blush when I think about my final Weight Watchers weigh-in when I needed to meet my goal in order to get half of my money back from the company I work for. I stepped on the scale and I was about 1 lb and some odd oz from meeting my goal. So I went into the bathroom and peed and took off all of my clothes including my undergarments. Then I put a light tshirt and shorts on and went back out....and met my "goal".
I was prepared to totally strip if need be and Weight Watchers was perfectly fine with that idea.
That is INSANE. HELLO! I weighed 245 pounds (or I did then) and I'm ecstatic because the scale just went down an ounce or two? I didn't dare jump up and down!
Did that REALLY get me any closer to my goal?
Actually, yes, in a way, because that was when I stopped dieting and started Am I Hungry?
Well tonight I did step on the scale. My clothing has been fitting differently and I decided to see what the scale showed. I didn't do anything to prepare for it. I ate and drank normally and I weighed with my clothes on. Lo and behold I am losing. I don't know why I was surprised when my clothing told me I was losing. The funny thing was I didn't celebrate it. I was glad but it wasn't my world. I know tomorrow the scale could show a gain and it doesn't much matter to me right now. REALLY? Really. Actually I'm not going to weigh tomorrow. It hasn't been a daily thing for me in a long time and I don't plan to make it a daily thing ever again.
My scale is not in charge. The number doesn't rule how I feel. Seeing the loss was nice, but feeling better was something I was already celebrating.
Acceptance. I'm not there yet, but I'm on the right road.
Find an Am I Hungry? Workshop near you; just click on "Find a Facilitator" on the left.