Lexie struggles with her weight but is learning how to trust her body again with Am I Hungry?
Posted on 01/28/2007 @ 11:30 PM
Two of my co-workers were going out to dinner and invited me. I told them truthfully I wasn't hungry. Then I left to go to another friend's house for a Bible study.
I was very hungry before last week's meeting and I stopped to eat because I didn't want to over-eat the snacks that would be available. It worked and I was able to totally ignore the food and not wish or regret. This week I did not eat before the study because I wasn't hungry. However I got hungry before the study started. I decided to wait until after to eat because I wanted to be able to savor the food. Afterward I had a bite of cheesecake and decided I really wasn't hungry after all.
So I didn't eat.
I started thinking about what's different about tonight that helped me make better choices? I am with people and I already knew that I over-eat less often when I am with other people...but I think it's more than that.
I realized that in that moment I felt at peace with my life and with myself. I wasn't anxious. I was very tired and had a long and stressful day...but overall I just felt satisfied.
When I am satisfied with my life and with myself there is no desire to over- eat. When I am satisfied with my life and myself there isn't a fight internally about wanting but not allowing myself to eat.
The past few days when I struggled it was during times I felt in conflict with myself, or anxious about life. I was feeding a dissatisfaction with life, not a physical hunger.
In this moment I am at peace and I have no desire to eat. In those moments I was not at peace and had a desire to over-eat...what FELT like an uncontrollable urge. They are both MOMENTS and both will continue to happen....and to pass and change.
If I try to remember to deal with moments as they are it might help me. Not meals, moments. Reminding myself that this will pass might help me when I am not at peace. Especially if I already know what I am anxous/upset about.
If there is something I can do about it I can take action, if there is nothing I can do about it, I can work on not making myself more miserable by eating food I don't need and don't really want even when I think I want it.