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Lexie's Journal

Lexie struggles with her weight but is learning how to trust her body again with Am I Hungry?

Knowing and doing are two different things
Posted on 02/20/2007 @ 1:23 AM

I really don't want to write tonight. I am frustrated with "knowing" the answers and with saying the same things to myself over and over again yet finding myself stuck. I know from past experience that for me there is usually a "Eureeka!" moment...where things suddenly make sense. A moment when the words I have repeated over and over again suddenly take on real meaning. That usually begins the real turning point and from that point on things are easier to change. I don't know a short cut to that place, that moment in time. I sure wish I did. I keep reminding myself that I am still seeing and making changes but sometimes they seem too small and insignificant. Sometimes I even feel like I'm peddling backwards! The first week of trying to practive "Instinctive eating" I noticed a lot of my food thoughts had to do with either habit or availability. Habits like, "It's time to eat dinner when I get home from work" and "It's time to eat lunch whenever my boss tells me to schedule lunch" were easy to see. Habits like eating when I am feeling anxious were not as easy to recognize. Now that they are easier to see I often ignore them and choose to eat anyway. And when I do, I still judge myself "bad" and when I choose something else I am "good". UGH I know that judging myself doesn't help because this is a PROCESS not a race. I just need to remind myself that it has gotten easier. Not EASY but easier. And I am confident that my Eureeka moment will come if I stay in the process. Resources:

Michelle May M.D.

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